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If you choose to continue, be warned
That you are missing crucial elements
Of I Am Not's design.

The Nightmare Scenario

I'll leave the room, because if I'm there it might not be an honest reaction and I'll need the honest reaction. And then I'll pace around in the hall a little, running through all the ways the conversation could go.

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What is it specifically you don't like about the character?
Was it hard to understand what I was doing with the interface?

Thanks, I am really proud of this.
But y'know, it's still only the beginning of the game.
You haven't seen the good stuff yet.

Is that really what you think?
You're not just telling me what I want to hear, right?

It'll be silly, worrying so much when it's still just the first scene. I'll imagine the game playing out in my head, trying to guess reactions. Now that it's too late, I'll realize a few ways to misinterpret what's going on that I'd never thought of before. Not that there could have been any way to get around those. A few times I'll suppress the urge to walk back in. Don't look desperate. Don't look desperate. I'll try doing other things, but my mind'll be back in that room. Nothing else will seem to matter.

I'll leave the house, wander around scared, hide in a corner, find that I don't feel any more safe in that corner, go back, eat some junk food, and go back to pacing. No, not pacing. Stop pacing. When she comes out, she shouldn't see you pacing. It's not important, no pressure. (By this point I'll be sweating.) No pressure.

---

So? What do you think?

It's nice.

What does that mean? Did you like it?

Yeah, I'm really impressed.

"Nice" can mean a lot of things.

Can it?

You know you can tell me if you hate it.

But I liked it.

Were there any specific things you liked about it?

What is this, an interrogation? I like your game, okay?

Look, I need to know what you thought more specifically. You understand.

No, I don't. What do you want from me?

Please, just tell me what you thought!

I'm sorry. It's just, I really need to know that my wife-
I just need to know your honest opinion.

I'm always honest!

I know.

But if you're going to be all annoying about it, I guess I thought it was sort of…

What?

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pretentious
simplistic
boring
hard to follow
predictable
weird
rip-off
bombastic
subdued
incomprehensible
easy
silly
recherché
ugly
misguided
noninteractive
unrelatable
mundane
geeky
pointless
rushed
slow
uninteresting
bad
reinventing the wheel
off-putting
frustrating
repetitious
random
science-fiction-y
complicated
confusing
convoluted
inaccessible
obvious
lacking in drama
formulaic
old-fashioned
meandering
unintelligent
not meeting its potential
amateurish
nonsensical
unsatisfying
childish
unsubtle
repetitious

..I dunno. Maybe it's just not for me.

Is it the tone of it? Too realistic?Maybe it's too realistic.

Realistic? It has a shape-shifting spy.

But did you think he was treated too much like a normal person?

No, I think that if he were a real person he wouldn't be interesting at all. Nothing happens with him.

But I was trying to treat him like a real person. All the buttons that pop up are things which I think he'd do if he were a real person. And I was trying to make it feel like a real person going about his day in the beginning part, so that you get the juxtaposition between the banality which you might recognize from real life and the weird science-fiction thriller plot of it. Did that not come across?

Is that why nothing happens?

He's sabotaging a high-tech weapon that could be used against his country! There's all the tension of almost being caught, and then the whole thing of trying to get out of the country after his DNA's been targeted! There are people trying to kill him!

The whole world order falling apart is "nothing"?! Having to get away from a biological weapon that's targeted your DNA is "nothing"?!

That's like an hour in! Before that you have to put up with all the talking! "Blah blah blah", they just talk and talk..

Well of course there's talking! I need to do that to set up what's going on! It's a complicated story, it's not just "he stops the weapon, he saves the world". The whole global political landscape is falling apart, where

Enough already.

all these countries and their old ways of doing things are proving to be obsolete when these new

Stop talking!

Sorry. It's just, I thought you'd like it.

No, you thought I'd love it. Well, I don't. Get over it already.

I don't see why not. You like science fiction stories. And you liked Next Door!

That was different. That was short. This just goes on and on and on.

Indignation

So you thought the pace was too slow?

No, I thought it wasn't as interesting as you seem to think it is.

So you thought it was spending too much time on people who were ordinary.

Yes! They're all so boring, just like ordinary people having boring little conversations that no one could care about anyway because it's all so boring! And you want me to play an entire game made up of things like this?!

Yeah, and what would you have preferred- big over-the-top caricatures?

Yes, actually. They would have been interesting.

But that's how people actually are!

If I want to be with ordinary, boring people, I'll live real life. Like how I'm talking to you right now, and you're boring and ordinary. But if you give me a science-fiction game, like this, I don't want ordinary people. I can get that without the science-fiction story, just from real life!

So all the effort I put in to make these characters seem real, there's no way I could possibly have interested you with that.

Probably not.

Counter-argument

If you were really enjoying it, why would you mind it continuing?

Maybe I can only take so much of it.

Or maybe it is, and you just didn't give it a fair chance.

Now you sound like you absolutely hated it.

Wow, you really hated it, didn't you?

You know what? You're right. I hate your game, it's the worst thing ever made, it's slow and annoying and stupid. Now leave me alone.

God! Can't I talk to you without you going into this hostility and sarcasm?!

No, I guess you can't. So stop bothering me.

You never told me you didn't like the dynamic interface!

Is it the interface that bothers you? You know that dynamic interfaces are sort of a new-

Oh, I don't care about your silly "dynamic interface".

It's not silly!

Sure it isn't.

Persist

Change topics

It's a valid design choice!

Leave me alone.

What's wrong with it?

Ha. What's right with it.

Now you're just being annoying.

Well, so are you.

Look, I'm sorry. I just want to know-

No, listen. It's a good game. Really. Very nice. But I'm not going to say it's, like, the best game I ever played, because it's not. It's not that good. Now leave me alone.

Fine, forget the interface. What about the story?

What about it?

Go fishing

Assume the worst

It's a good story!
No, it's a great story! I've been planning this for twenty years! It's about real emotions; maybe that's something you wouldn't know anything about!

You didn't think it was thought-provoking at all? You didn't think Michael was an interesting character? Do you not care about the whole social thing, where everything's falling apart because of the new technologies?

Okay, calm down, will you? It's fine, okay? Your game is fine.

Keep going

Give in

Change topics

Did you not like the way I tell the story, where you jump in in the middle and are figuring out what's going on? I guess I could have put in-

Shut up!

Enough already. It's fine. Your game is absolutely perfect, and there's no way anyone could ever possibly think it's anything but the best thing they've ever seen in their lives. Is that what you want to hear? Eh?


I'm going to go read a book now.

Okay. Fine. I'm sorry for being annoying.

You should be.

Do you not like Michael Nolan as a character? Too hard to relate to?

I don't know. He's fine, it's all fine. What difference does it make if I don't like it?

Ha!

So you admit you don't like it!

Fine! I don't like it. Are you happy now?

Happy? Happy? How could I possibly be happy? I've been working on this story for twenty years!Don't you understand how much I care about this game?

Well, I don't know what you want from me. You can't force me to like this.

It does make a difference! Your opinion means everything to me!

Then let me have an opinion, and stop trying to get me to agree with you!

..so what is your opinion, exactly?

I'm going to read a book now.

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I'll sit down at the grand piano. And I'll sit, and sit, inspiration never coming. I'll finally press a note, but why that note? That note isn't anything special.