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Monday, January 30, 2006

Ready, Though Unworthy

Here I am, accepting upon myself the challenge of creating an all-purpose classification system for gamism, though I have no expertise, no experience, and only the teensiest bit of wisdom. I may say this is an advantage: Everyone else looks at gamism with the eyes of the Industry, fogged with the misconceptions and prejudices which are sadly so common, while I can see clearly by virtue of knowing nothing at all.

But who am I kidding?- My views are just as biased as anyone else's. And I doubt very much if actually having a game or two under my belt would harm my eagerness to disagree with such unanimous opinions. It could only do good. So why do I bother to try at this early stage? Because it is time. It is time because the blog says so. More critically: I have waited too long already, and soon I will have many new experiences to assess. How does the simple playing of a game fit in with my next identity? If I am serious about becoming a gamist, then I must be ready to approach these games from a gamist's perspective.

This is the hour of judgment. My past lies in childhood. My future lies in gamism. Where do I stand in the present? Am I first a child, or a gamist? I can hide behind my inadequacies and say "Tomorrow I will be ready!", or I can accept my inadequacies and move forward regardless. No matter when I choose to flip the priorities, it will be too soon. I have to face it: The task I see for myself is bigger than anyone would support if they understood its magnitude. They would say: "Think small. Gain wisdom from professors and knowledge from repetition and drudgery. Do not try this by yourself; it cannot be done."

I cannot argue with such a sentiment, because I know that if someone were to speak those words to me, he'd be right. How can I rationally expect to be capable of making an artistic virtual character, when even the greatest gamists have never done so before? How can I expect to be capable of single-handedly reinventing the platformer in the image of music and dance? How can I expect to craft a good role-playing game, when even massive teams of experts with seemingly unlimited budgets can't get it right? How can I expect...? Well, I can't. I can't rationally expect to achieve anything at all. But what the heck- rationality is overrated anyway.

I believe that the dream will start when I begin to accept the role, not vice versa. Months ago, I considered proposing a classification system, and I concluded it was too big. Now I am ready to take on that task. So while I am not prepared for anything like this, while I have many questions and few answers, while I feel certain that there is no intelligent man on Earth who will accept my theories, I will chase the dream. Who am I doing this for, if not for the public? I do this as a gift to the child. I begin this as a fulfillment of the promise I made to myself. I will end this as a gamist.



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