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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

~Creative Disillusionment

Creative Disillusionment

For a very long time I've been saying that music isn't the way forward for me. But I'm only starting to really believe it now. I'm in the early stages of composing around ten different pieces, and I have little desire to continue any of them. When I'm in the mood for music I sit at the piano and play some old theme which never aspired to go anywhere, and I just play it over and over and over until I'm not in the mood for music anymore.

Music is like dreams. It serves a necessary purpose, in that it fulfills certain abstract emotional needs that are hard to describe in words. But there's nothing glamorous or interesting about music. It's like food. When I'm hungry, I eat. I don't care what it is that I'm eating, I just need to not be hungry anymore.

The one part of my repertoire which still has a spark for me is the music I've planned for my games. Some of it is for games which are a few decades away at best, but playing the music reassures me that I'm going to get there someday.

I've been telling myself over and over that games are what's important, and the words are starting to sink in. Music which isn't for games doesn't matter.

A parallel could easily be drawn to math, where I was really good at it until I lost interest and never did the final tests. I still use math, but only as a part of making games. I expect it'll be the same way with music someday. Everything I do eventually needs to be focused toward making games.

From that perspective, my upcoming CD is the symbol of an ending. "I'm done with this field, here's what I've accomplished in it." I know I ought to practice for it, but it hardly seems necessary. It's not like I have any reason to impress anyone with it. I'll just figure out the details as I'm playing.

Posted @ 3:17 PM     See this post on TheBuckmans.com

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2 Comments:

You know Mory I completely disagree with the statements mentioned in this piece, for one I know you are a picky eater when it comes to cream-cheese. two for music, maybe you just need someone sitting in the rocking chair for that inspiration to hit. this is realty selfish but don't forget those of us who desire your music creativity, one of your best talents. it has the desired effect to make a bad day change for the better. for the writer it may not be glamorous but for the listener it's a fantastic work of interpretation brought into the realm of reality. and will be desired by all who hear it, if only we could hear it live when you played it.

 
It's very frustrating that I have no idea who you are.

If you'd like to hear me play, you're free to come over any time I'm home and ask me to play. I'd actually enjoy that. But no one ever comes over to hear me play, and I have no ambitions to spread my music around on more than a one-on-one basis. Making concerts, that's a career. I'd much rather spend my efforts on things where I think I have something original to offer.

 

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